Because so many asked, I’ll pen another.
‘Franks, the Artful Dissembler’ or ‘The Great Valley Hi Rip-Off’
Here’s the ballad of the “the Jackal” called Franks
Scammer in politics and crooked failed banks.
By the gate that leads to his ill-gotten hoard,
How he was done in by a youth who had him floored.
Old Jackanapes Franks was no man of peace –
His beard and palms ran thick with grease:
His paunch was huge and his speech was ‘skid-row’
And he swindled the taxpayers high and low,
Scores of weak Board members groveled to try
The favors he sold – and remained to buy,
Scores of these RINOs later on
Found that their flashiest promises were ‘GONE!’ –
Some in the front and some behind
Some were roarers and some went blind –
Scores of rubes, over their Franks-bought tax-deeds,
Cursed old Franks and all his misdeeds.
But old Jackanapes in his throne sat still –
And ever he scammed for a new Little Poison Pill!
Yet a judgement was brewing for the sly Jackal Franks,
Like a witches’ cauldron, it reeks and it stanks!
And the youth that brewed it has eyes of blue,
And his cheek was beardless and boundless too.
Softly he mused o’er a Guinness stout thick:-
‘By the Beard of Orville, I’ve got the trick!’
Then he rose from his stool with an artless grin,
And called cashiered Colonel Wilcox in:-
‘Colonel’ he said ‘Hasst aught for me
In the way of a ‘disaster’ with lots of ironic glee?’
The Colonel pondered and answered slow
“There’s a red-roan ‘gelding’ that’s bound to ‘No-Go.’
At the next Committee, It ain’t no use
Excep’ for kickin’ RINOs to the deuce,
It’s the Great Valley Hi Tax Scam!”
The boy’s close-cropped brow went beyond it’s normal ken,
Was deep with thought for a moment. Then
The crafty Colonel was richer by ten.
‘When the next Committee sits’ quoth he,
‘O tear up that Valley Hi shakedown for me.’
So the counter-plot was laid and the long weeks passed
And the Valley Hi ‘gelding’ was duly cast.
They led him in chains to the CoW grand meeting hall.
And gave him his gram’ through a hole in the wall.
The youth mixed it well. When morning came
The red-roan measure was strangely tame.
He bit not nor kicked nor essayed to slay
And it and the boy went to Woodstock that day,
Till they came to the gully of the creepy Franks
Who was there transfixed, scheming new taxing pranks.
The stripling stated his funds were quite low
And he came only to sell Franks good ammo.
Then filthy old Franks with his eyes agog
Broke the Tenth Command of the Decalogue,
For the Valley Hi Scheme was a monster in size and thews
And stood over sixteen hand in its accumulated tax-shoes.
‘Boy, you’ve given me a Great Idea’! Franks said,
‘A brand new way to keep the taxpayers bled!’
He haggled an hour, that dealer thrifty
Till the price was lowered to $6 million, most shifty.
And the money would be taxed in new C-notes
While Franks calculated his extorted votes.
The boy left him – and ‘The Jackal’ just smiled –
‘By Dybbuk, how mad is this pink-faced child!
I will stuff that scheme with silver-tongued swill
And resell it to the RINO Board, then head to Brazil.’
For a clear eight-fifty!’… and e’en as he spoke
The Devil they’d hid in the “Valley Hi Hoax” woke!
Then the head-ropes snapped and the heel-ropes drew
And the taxpayers squealed as the ‘Hi Scam’ blew through
And Franks’ minions ran as rats run for life
And the whole County exploded at Franks’ latest tax-knife
Till the berserk-rage of the Valley Hi rip-off was o’er
And was laughed off the County Board floor.
Then a veil was lifted from Frank’s reptile eyes
And he raised his snake eyelids and plucked his hoglike thighs
Felt his tense pulse slacken – the muscles still –
And fathomed the Trick of his ‘Valley Hi Pill!’
His own old dodge that had brought him so much pelf
Had the boy turned Franks against his own crooked self!
Did he swear, though his three best schemes were lame
And all of the County would hear of his shame ?
Did he seek the law courts? With teary eye,
He hailed a shyster that jingled by,
What passed between them? I cannot say,
But the old Jackanapes did finally fade away.
As if awakened from a decades’ old spell,
Taxpayers began to drive Franks back to Hell.
‘Twas the Valley Hi Scam what woke them all up,
And sent Franks packing in a big blow-up.