OldMaBarker Offers Another Ode to Jack Franks

A poem from reader “OldMaBarker”:

Please accept my own new, little poem, and my deep apologies to Joyce Kilmer



Dear Jack,

Perhaps there was irony of Jack Franks being positioned in the Johnsburg Parade in front of a McHenry Township Road District snowplow. Franks positions himself as a proponent of government consolidation, yet he has not endorsed the referendum to put the McHenry Road District under the Township Board starting in 2021. He has, however, called for such a referendum in Algonquin Township.

I think that I shall never see
An Official as scurrilous or base as thee!

A bully whose tax-hungry mouth is prest
Against every taxpayer’s drying-up breast;

A vain despot who looks upon us slaves all day,
To scheme new ways to make us pay;

A usurper that may in CoW council wear
A nest of spitting vipers in his hair;

Upon your soiled desk many a plea for our tax mercy has lain;
Only to be laughed at and thrown out in the rain.

Yes, you Franks, with your Igor-minion, craven-Craver,
Please quit, and do us all a favor!

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only woke voters can set us free!


OldMaBarker Offers Another Ode to Jack Franks — 4 Comments

  1. I am so glad that this wonderful example of the “media” now publishes true literary stolen” masterpieces.

    Hey, cal. See how your enemy has gotten fit through good diet and hard work? You on the other hand..not so much.

    Learn that you don’t need to eat all of the free food.

    Please share this good advice with gasser.

    He’s still young…you not so much.

  2. Because so many asked, I’ll pen another.

    ‘Franks, the Artful Dissembler’ or ‘The Great Valley Hi Rip-Off’

    Here’s the ballad of the “the Jackal” called Franks
    Scammer in politics and crooked failed banks.
    By the gate that leads to his ill-gotten hoard,
    How he was done in by a youth who had him floored.

    Old Jackanapes Franks was no man of peace –
    His beard and palms ran thick with grease:
    His paunch was huge and his speech was ‘skid-row’
    And he swindled the taxpayers high and low,
    Scores of weak Board members groveled to try
    The favors he sold – and remained to buy,
    Scores of these RINOs later on
    Found that their flashiest promises were ‘GONE!’ –
    Some in the front and some behind
    Some were roarers and some went blind –
    Scores of rubes, over their Franks-bought tax-deeds,
    Cursed old Franks and all his misdeeds.
    But old Jackanapes in his throne sat still –
    And ever he scammed for a new Little Poison Pill!

    Yet a judgement was brewing for the sly Jackal Franks,
    Like a witches’ cauldron, it reeks and it stanks!
    And the youth that brewed it has eyes of blue,
    And his cheek was beardless and boundless too.
    Softly he mused o’er a Guinness stout thick:-
    ‘By the Beard of Orville, I’ve got the trick!’
    Then he rose from his stool with an artless grin,
    And called cashiered Colonel Wilcox in:-
    ‘Colonel’ he said ‘Hasst aught for me
    In the way of a ‘disaster’ with lots of ironic glee?’
    The Colonel pondered and answered slow
    “There’s a red-roan ‘gelding’ that’s bound to ‘No-Go.’
    At the next Committee, It ain’t no use
    Excep’ for kickin’ RINOs to the deuce,
    It’s the Great Valley Hi Tax Scam!”

    The boy’s close-cropped brow went beyond it’s normal ken,
    Was deep with thought for a moment. Then
    The crafty Colonel was richer by ten.
    ‘When the next Committee sits’ quoth he,
    ‘O tear up that Valley Hi shakedown for me.’

    So the counter-plot was laid and the long weeks passed
    And the Valley Hi ‘gelding’ was duly cast.
    They led him in chains to the CoW grand meeting hall.
    And gave him his gram’ through a hole in the wall.
    The youth mixed it well. When morning came
    The red-roan measure was strangely tame.
    He bit not nor kicked nor essayed to slay
    And it and the boy went to Woodstock that day,
    Till they came to the gully of the creepy Franks
    Who was there transfixed, scheming new taxing pranks.
    The stripling stated his funds were quite low
    And he came only to sell Franks good ammo.
    Then filthy old Franks with his eyes agog
    Broke the Tenth Command of the Decalogue,
    For the Valley Hi Scheme was a monster in size and thews
    And stood over sixteen hand in its accumulated tax-shoes.
    ‘Boy, you’ve given me a Great Idea’! Franks said,
    ‘A brand new way to keep the taxpayers bled!’

    He haggled an hour, that dealer thrifty
    Till the price was lowered to $6 million, most shifty.
    And the money would be taxed in new C-notes
    While Franks calculated his extorted votes.
    The boy left him – and ‘The Jackal’ just smiled –
    ‘By Dybbuk, how mad is this pink-faced child!
    I will stuff that scheme with silver-tongued swill
    And resell it to the RINO Board, then head to Brazil.’

    For a clear eight-fifty!’… and e’en as he spoke
    The Devil they’d hid in the “Valley Hi Hoax” woke!
    Then the head-ropes snapped and the heel-ropes drew
    And the taxpayers squealed as the ‘Hi Scam’ blew through
    And Franks’ minions ran as rats run for life
    And the whole County exploded at Franks’ latest tax-knife
    Till the berserk-rage of the Valley Hi rip-off was o’er
    And was laughed off the County Board floor.

    Then a veil was lifted from Frank’s reptile eyes
    And he raised his snake eyelids and plucked his hoglike thighs
    Felt his tense pulse slacken – the muscles still –
    And fathomed the Trick of his ‘Valley Hi Pill!’
    His own old dodge that had brought him so much pelf
    Had the boy turned Franks against his own crooked self!

    Did he swear, though his three best schemes were lame
    And all of the County would hear of his shame ?
    Did he seek the law courts? With teary eye,
    He hailed a shyster that jingled by,

    What passed between them? I cannot say,
    But the old Jackanapes did finally fade away.

    As if awakened from a decades’ old spell,
    Taxpayers began to drive Franks back to Hell.

    ‘Twas the Valley Hi Scam what woke them all up,
    And sent Franks packing in a big blow-up.

  3. May the good Lord bless my sunshine bloggers’s huge stomach…and the United Sheish…tic, tock, tic, tock, tic, tock, meeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwwww…

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