Message of the Day – Satire

Just in case anyone thinks the following is for real:

Rioting in major cities across the U.S. has spread to Sarasota and Venice two wealthy and artsy Florida retirement communities.  

Protesters marching in Florida’s ritzy Sarasota and Venice communities led to widespread rioting and looting. 

Items taken were limited to laxatives, vitamins, hearing aid batteries, reading glasses, energy drinks, designer masks and surgical stockings. 

The thugs were easily caught and arrested, however, since they were using walkers, canes, and golf carts to flee. 

The protests have been limited to the evening hours because most of the lawbreakers either had doctor’s appointments during the day or rioting would have interfered with their afternoon naps. 

The marches didn’t last that long because many of the demonstrators had to get home to pee.

In most cases, the demonstrators simply forgot why they were even there.

Officials considered a curfew starting at 9 p.m. but since that’s the time when most of the residents go to bed anyway, it was decided that it wasn’t needed. 

Community leaders concluded that part of the problem was that residents were restless because they had too much time on their hands since the recreation centers, pools, theaters, boutique stores and especially the bars were closed due to the coronavirus.

Community officials wanted to form a committee to look further into the problem, but the next day no one could remember why they were meeting. 


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